Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The wasp!


   It's amazing how much thinner one can look if they are tan. A nice golden toned body instantly looks 5 pounds lighter, and looks much better then "pasty".
I myself am "pasty". 
At least I have been for the last 5 years or so. I used to tan a lot when I lived by beach. I lived a mere 15 minutes from it!
(Oh how I miss that ocean air)
    But about 9 years ago after my son was born, I went to go see; who my family referred to as, Uncle Bob. He was a dermatologist. My dad had skin cancer and I had some funny lookin stuff going on so they removed a bunch and did a biopsy. Didn't really give it a 2nd thought until a few weeks later I got a call from his office. The results came back abnormal. There was cancer cells in the skin they had taken. So I went back and more stuff was taken off. Since then I have taken a tone of ghostly white.

BUT... I decided that this year I was going to tan again. I really missed it, and I used to "fake 'n bake" with the chemicals but it's not cheap, you smell funny for a whole day, and it comes off in patches.
But I'm not frying myself. I know how to build a good base tan. And I never go out longer then 30 minutes. And I am soooo pleased with the results.Not to mention the extra vitamin D is a great mood booster.

So the other day I head out sporting the bikini and my book, and there is a wasp in the grass!
No big deal. I get hose and shew him off.

    About 10 minutes later, he comes back. I jump up (I knew you should move slow, but I was terrified) and get the hose and once again he takes off.
But then he comes back again! He really likes a certain spot in our grass.
I decide to give it up, and pack it in and head inside. I can wait until tomorrow.

Well tomorrow comes and I head out, and my little "friend" is out there again! Same spot. He gets hosed away, and comes back. Over and over and over we do this dance.
Heart racing, I spray and run.
Spray and run, spray and run, and again. It's like 105 outside, and I'm in a bikini sweating my toosh off. I can only imagine what the 2 story neighbors behind us must have thought. I'm sure they got a good laugh.
    I apparently have nothing better to do because I head inside and do some wasp watching. For like an hour I stare out my window. He comes to the spot, does his thing and leaves. Then does it again.
By now I'm growing more and more frustrated. If you have ever been building a base tan, you know it's important to go out a little each day. And this would be day 2 of no sun!

A little later I go out and there is no sign of him. So I went to the spot to check if he was building a nest. No nest. And no other wasps, just the one. Just when I think it's safe, he's back!!!!

So today... day 3. I'm mad.

Really mad. Sure enough the little *bleep* is out there again. He is getting crafty though. He knows me now... and he heads for me a few times and I water him. He can't get me though, Not with my protective water stream!
Then I remember the bug spray we have. It has a nozzle that shoots far away!
So I wait...
and wait....
he knows I have something. Finally he comes back. Heart pounding I run to the edge of the patio and fire!
He moves.
I try again!
Crap. I'm out of ammo. Gotta pump the thing again.
A few minutes later he comes back and I try again. A hit!
At least I think...
He flies away and I wait.


I think I have won! So a few hours later I grab my gear and head out. There has been no sign of him all this time.
Sure enough, I lay out the towel, get the hat adjusted, set the timer, and "Bzzzzzzzzzz".
That little ***bleep**** ***bleep**** ****bleep**** is back!!!!

Oh it's ON!!!!!
It's on like donkey Kong little man!
This means WAR!!!
I'm gonna kill your buzzing behind if it's the last thing I do!!! I hope I nail your "butt" with spray, and I can laugh as I watch you twitching  in the hot summer sun

I headed to home depot tonight and stocked up on artillery. So tomorrow...we shall see who will be the victor. Oh yes! We shall see.............................

Head to head fight... MOMMY vs BINKY

And the metal goes to.... BINKY

(Man it seems every time I update this darn thing a few weeks go by and I'm behind again.)

    You see, people can call me a lot of things. But a hypocrite, NEVER. Well at least it used to be that way.
I was one of those people that cringed when I saw 3 year olds in the store walking around with a freakin' pacifier. I would think, "how on earth can you let your child keep it that long?!?!"
*On a side note.. Abby does not walk around with her binky. It stays in her bed ONLY.
But anywhoo
    So Abby is coming up on her 2nd birthday. And I realized that the time had come to ditch the binky. I was prepared... I knew there would be days of crying, and fits, and no sleep.

I knew it was coming!

So there I am Friday afternoon and snipping the tips of all (but 2, thank GOODNESS) the binkys. When bedtime comes around, we anxiously pass Abby the binky.

She looks at it....
she tries it, then looks at it somemore... and hands it back.
"what wrong?"
she looks at me
"It must be too small for you now. You are such a big girl! Binkys are for babies and you are big! Tell you what, you can still take them to bed you."
She agrees.

Now keep in mind, this child did not have a nap so she is VERY tired. She cried for about 15 minutes and passed out.

SUCCESS!!!! I won the battle!
But not the war.
    We kept very busy that weekend and there were really no naps, so bedtime really wasn't all that bad.
But then Monday happened....
Abby screamed for 4 hours in her bed. Not "for" the binky, but because she couldn't sleep.
4 hours! I didn't know what to do. I WAS NOT GIVING IN.
And I didn't want to take her out and give her the message "cry long enough, and you'll get your way", I waited it out. Finally, she fell asleep. The problem is...
she did this EVERY DAY!!!
We were now in week 2 binky free and this poor child screams for most of the day. Plus she has been putting things in her mouth, Scott's phone now has permanent Abby imprints. Needless to say, by the end of week 1, she wasn't the only one crying. One day Scott came home early to help me out. 
I was loosin' it.

So today, after Abby was in hour 3 of crying, I caved.
She got her beloved binky. And all was right with world again and that girl PASSED OUT in less then 3 minutes. guess she will have it 'til she's 90. And I'll be fine with it.
I will say however, that when  she was 9 months old I won the war when it came to bottles vs sippy cups.